Tantrums

We are living with a sprited two year old and the ups and downs can be really tiring at times. Matilda is asserting her independance which is what we want for her but in doing so she is becoming frustrated and hence tantruming. The "experts" in a range of mainstream parenting books prescribe ignoring not letting the child manipulate you. Can i ask why would anyone make themselves feel this way I know Matilda is note doing these tantrums to prove a point but rather she has not got the emotional maturity to contain and express herself. Come to think of it I know several adults who have this issue too. The least i can do is just let Matilda know I love her mo matter what her behaviour and by empowering her and building her self asteam she will hopefully be able to grow through this phase.