Support =acceptance and love

I have just survived a tough five weeks... Feeling constantly seasick and unable to keep down food this pregnancy is so unlike any of my previous pregnancies. I felt sorry for women inflicted with severe morning sickness but now having first hand experience I realize it is not simply just how your body feels but the scary part is how your brain reacts to the relentless illness. I am thankful today that I have such supportive people in my life. Without the lovely phone calls of congratulations and offers of support i would not have started to get through. This experience has highlighted the strong relationships I have with many family members and friends. I hate asking for help but so happy that I feel comfortable with people to ask and be answered with big open arms and complete understanding. So much is out of my control and I find myself feeling sad and withdraw but as I am reminded everyday as I hug my children this will not last forever and is all about life and living I hope for my wonderful husband, the children, our parents, my brother,  family and my close friends that I can repay for their kindness and support in the future and hope that this will all settle down in the coming weeks as the first trimester moves on.

Sing

If you asked me 12 months ago which of my children could sing I would instantly respond that only Felix could. While Matilda would belt out the words it was flat loud and hard to listen too. Give a child 12 months of prep with a musician as their teacher and a Steiner framework where children sing to transition and guess what...... they learn to sing. Matilda auditioned for the Australian Children Choir and will be singing next year so I am happy to say we are a singing home and household. !

20 months, 6 and 8 Years

2012 is a dynamic year of change fir the Milander household. Ambrose has battled through the winter of toddlerhood with perpetual illness but seems to be emerging with a strong sense of self and determination (mother political term for strong willed and self centered) which is perfectly acceptable for a 2 yr old. Matilda has bloomed at school and has found a rhythm and home in her school group . We have been blessed to have a teacher of 30 plus years of teaching and a firm but warm practice to take Tilda for the next 5 years. I no longer worry about her place at school knowing that she will be understood respected nurtured challenged excited by primary school. She has found an assertion where she no longer feels she is little and that she can choose if a person is worthy of her friendship if they do show her respect or care where due, where previously she would feel sad or bad about herself if someone told her she was too young to play a game etc.
Felix loves school, loves friends, loves people, loves his teacher, loves art, inventing, story, acting, singing. He seems to love life which is a joy for everyone who shares time with him. His greatest companion is Matilda and they will spend hours drawing playing creating together. A sense of playfulness is ripe when he interacts with Ambrose. 8 and 2 year olds can wrestle! Michael is our families rock. We all benefit from living with a man who works in his dream job and this has inspired me to follow my dream and to retrain as a landscape architect.

2012 has been a busy year, a year if change, challenge, soul searching, relationship remodeling and growth. With five people there is a constant need to stop and check we are all having those emotional tanks filled and time for one another as well for the family friends and community that support, inspire and guide us

The start of a "bad" parent.

So I have started to become a bad parent?! Tonight Felix is riding home form his dance class by himeself all of 1km from our home 3 roads to cross and all by himself, he is almost 8. I shudder when I hear parents tell their children about the dangers of being taken by the boogie man if they disapear around a corner and are out of sight. I also talk to my kids about people we see and meeting the street. It is important for children to no be scard of people as 99+% are wonderful people who are their to help not to "steal you". I want my children to trust their instinct and so I feel it important to not let them inherit my fears but rather my confidence in knowing I can help myself and understand how to get out of a trouble situation. So it is not like I am going to throw them in the deep end without knowing how to swim. I love the mother who let her 9 year old ride the subway in NY alone.



So he made it home very excited that he had independently travelled home. How was it "I was a little nervous but super excited". The progression of letting go continues.......

Mothers and Daughters

I am blessed to have a daughter and are thankful everyday. The emotional waves of having a daughter can be full on as she is a real reflection of yourself, your own relationship with you mother and the strength of women that you are. Matilda and I clash, yell, bounce, glare, giggle, smile, laugh, roll eyes, sigh but under it all love each other very deeply. I love my sons as dearly but they will never really understand how it feels to be a women but my daughter will. I see my mother helping her mother, now in her 80's , return the love and compassion in caring for her as she becomes more frail. I was blessed to also see this 25 years ago when my great grandmother needed my grandmother for emotional support.

Reading

An abstract skill is to read and I welcome an education system which allows my dreamy children to learn to read at their own pace. From time to time I will panic when I see the gap in reading ability between main stream schooled children and my children. Felix is 7 which is when children are reading ready! But in a world where they are expected to be reading how does a child adapt to not reading yet.... Two experiences of late have been of interest: Felix sings in the Children's choir where they are given the lyrics as well as music when learning a new song. To my astonishment Felix informed me that he can't read the lyrics but knows exactly where they are up too as he can read the music and says he just copies the words from those around him. No one has noticed his "no reading status".
I tutor at a college which promotes academics for children from class 2. These are children who are generally a year ahead of their peers academically and will sit for scholarships and 40-50% of them will win one. I teach general ability math and science. They can all read very well and I was initially worried that Felix was so far behind. I will ask Felix from time to time some of the questions or activities I do with his peers in the college. So he can't read any of the questions and struggles to identify the specific (yes/no) answers which is a contrast to my students who fire off the answers with ease and certainty. But when a thinking question is raised there is the polar opposite situation. Felix can develop in depth responses and develop complicated ideas while my students are scared to open to a grey answer Felix can also apply this maths problems where complex ideas such as fractions are applied to different situations.
So he will confess he can not read, which he defines as being able read the Hobbit or Lord Of The Rings, but my fears and concerns are minimized for he will learn when he needs to and is ready and in the meantime he has and continues developed amazing analytical and imaginative skills which will help him to academically succeed in the future.

The change

After a heart wrenching 24 hours my baby made a quick and dramatic recovery but we were in the system. Ambrose woke up and could walk again and was not vomiting. Our gut instinct felt that this was true of the first diagnosis which did not need a MRI (with general anesthetic) but the anesthetist was knocking at the door, Ambrose had fasted but we wanted a second opinion and there was not a doctor insight. We waited, stood our ground, and the reassessment confirmed our feelings and the MRI was off. But I wonder what happens to parents who don't have the confidence to question and ask questions while being bombarded by the emotions of the situation. Ironically this was a foray into the word of birthing situations so many women are apart of in the main stream system where the systematic intervention spiral the normal process to birth to need induction, epidural, forceps and on and on. I want to trust the people who want to care for my children but I need to question and find the truth of the situation every time.

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