Matilda Smiles - a letter to grandfather Lech

Dear Lech

I finally have a moment to pen(or Type) a letter- the house is quiet! Matilda is almost 6 weeks old and it has been a wonderful time in the lives of the Alexander- Milewski-Milewska family. With 4 people and 2 dogs I really think we classify now as a family- the back of the car is jam packed and the endless bustle and chatter is heart warming.

In classic A-M-M Family style (Alexander-Milewski-Milewska) our Medicare care is a hassle bustle of names a real refection of the house. Michael is now back full time at work and I am with both children by myself 3 days a week. We have managed to do all sorts of things in a given week........................

We have visited the Collingwood Children's farm numerous times- Felix is in love with the horses (affectingly named Ye-Ha-Ha) and the Goats who we see milked. Last Monday Felix decided that the 10 days old lambs we fair game for a ride- He sat upon his victim and yelled Ye-Ha-Ha. He was a little disappointed when I explained that lambs weren't strong enough to carry him and that perhaps one day he might ride a pony at Jane and Robs place.

I used public transport with both children yesterday to get to Steiner Playgroup. Felix is fantastic and listen so well- he happily get out the of pusher and sits looking out the window for the entire trip. Meanwhile Matilda happily sleeps in the baby carrier- occasionally nuzzling and moving around when I stop moving.

I popped over to see Sylwia this morning so Felix and Sabina could see one another. They play so well together- I am glad that we have Thursday's so they can have time to play together. They love to play chasy around the house and push the trains around the house.

We have brought a second cot and our bedroom looks amazing! We have the queen bed with a cot (with it's side removed)on either side. One huge bed! Sleeping is working very well- Felix will fall asleep cuddling Michael as Michael sings polish songs and read polish stories. This a very important time of the evening for both Michael and Felix as they don't see one another all day- Michael loves gazing at Felix as he sleeps peacefully in the cot next to him. Matilda is in the cot next to me- she has been an amazing baby. Last night she slept from 10pm till 4am no feeds! When she does want to feed she either sucks her hands or strokes my face- no crying- no fussing she feeds briefly and falls back to sleep.

So now back to the title of this email. Matilda is starting to smile. I selfishly thought that she would smile at me but I realise that her big brother is far more interesting- and he first smile was cast Felix's way. Felix is so gentle with Matilda and has never hurt her or get cross with her. Matilda is getting a lot of tummy time and holding her head really well.

When she is popped on her tummy she pulls her legs up under her body and tries to move forward- her arms are failing her- but sooner or later she will all get it together.

Michael is riding 3-4 times a week before work- and feeling and looking very fit. It is a really important time for him and it helps him concentrate at work. I have began riding my bike with Felix each night Michael returns. I plan to join a canoeing club after my 6 week post-baby check-up in the hope to compete in the Murray Marathon at the end of next year.

My brother has planned to remain in England till April/May I am missing him terribly- particularly at the moment when I know he would love to see Matilda. But I am sure he will make up for lost time when he returns. Sylwia has been a wonderful grandmother- spending time with Felix on Tuesdays. I know this time is invaluable for both of them- Felix feels so comfortable with her.

Felix is missing you a great deal as are we all. Every plane in the sky apparently has JaJa riding in it. I think I will bring him to the airport when you come back- he would love to have a look at the planes.

We hope you are enjoying Poland but look forward to having you home.

Lots of Love and Kisses

Sarah (Michael, Felix and Matilda)

PS On Sunday we went to 5pm mass. Felix sat in the pew listening to the service- when ever Father Tony spoke Felix would yell out Blah-blah-blah. When the Father held out his arms Felix also stood and held out his arm- it was so funny that we didn't even hear what the sermon was about- but the magic of watching Felix was perhaps God's message to us- they grow up so fast so make the time today to give an extra hug- share another joke or listen for an extra minute because tomorrow they will be leaving home!g home!

Day to day with the kids

The other day Sarah was observing how Felix was interacting with other kids playing at a playground. Joshua and Inga were chasing around the playground on some paving. Felix joined in but seemed to have missed the minor detail of following the paving. Paving turned left and Felix went on ahead into the sunset screaming with joy, hands waving like a butterfly, having a ball, not even registering that the other kids were no longer following him.

Later that same day Felix took a book out onto a deck to have a read in the sunshine. Not our book and not our deck so Sarah was worried that he may come into a bit of "No" parenting. No! a book is an indoor item, No! do not take it outside, and so on. Ahh to take a book out onto a deck in a sunny spot and just read, I would love to do that.

Matilda is born

The corridor was empty. Doors and counters were all closed. The lights were all on, giving it this surreal feal. I went to the only opening in the wall and politely introduced myself to the lady behind the glass. We made some chitchat over the paper work. I confirmed my address and update the home phone number and my new mobile number. Then I left casualy for the car. That is how I checked sarah into hospital.

At the bottom of the lift I retraced our steps. The spot where Sarah had her contraction that was just too far from the lift to press the button. In my always forseeing efficient way. I tried to leave her here just for a second to press the button and call down a lift, I wanted to just save a few seconds of the wait. I asked her if she can step over 2 more steps. If I just kicked my foot up I could press the button. This efficiency is the last thing that must be on a laboring womens mind as I felt her nails push steadily into my neck, she groaned, she tenced. I calmed her, reminded her to breath, to relax, to let the contraction take hold and do its thing. 20 seconds later we were taking thoes extra 2 steps and I got to eagerly press the elevator button. I felt like a 2 year old kid. I felt silly. She was happy I was there, for the contraction.

Now I was re-tracing these steps. Through the empty carpark I got to our car. Suitcase and pillow, that was it. Was there anything else? I looked around, the place was deserted. Again the mass of concrete and the plain grey paint and bitumen reminded me of a bizarre, lifeless sci-fi world. Even the still darkness out side felt lifeless. Up the elevator and I was again in the squeaky interiors of the hospital. This too lifeless although the light made it just a little more warm and welcoming.

The lady in the window pressed a button and I was in the Family Birth Centre. Suite 2 and I saw my wife. She was standing at the bed. About to battle through another contraction. I got a swiss ball for her to lean on and held her hands across the bed. I watched on as the midwife busily set out mats and towels on the floor below my wife. Was this right? I thought my wife would be going into the shower, that followed by the bath? what where these towels here for. My wife breathed and tensed. Again I talked her through it as best I could.

The midwife told her to go ahead and do what she needed to. She murmered having a poo. Why not send her to the toilet across the room I thought? The midwife smilled and looked across saying "the head is poking out, do you want to feel the baby comming out?" Sarah shook her head and said now in a trembing voice. I thought what? wow! the baby is comming. I again talked sarah through relaxing and letting it happen. I didn't know what was happening. I am sure Sarah did for the baby smothly exited out into the hands of the midwife. A new gem of life was born. There was an intial scream. Sarah dropped to her knees. The midwife and I joined her on the mat, in the middle of this lifeless hospital, devoid of sound, of people. We gatherd in trying to get some of this life which lay before us. Another scream started. Sarah could not work out how to stop it. Matilda was born.

sleeping

I cam home late last night after a work function. This morning it was off onto the bike for a ride before the traffic. It was in between that I was to get some sleep and some time with Felix. Well he was sleeping the whole time.

I went out to a comedy night. When I came home Sarah was still up. She was knitting and looking over at the TV. We had a good talk. I felt she was almost pining to have more time with me. I thought of giving her a rendition of some of the evenings jokes. I then decided that I do not have what it takes to be a comedian so I restrained myself. We turned the lights out and went to bed. Sarah kept talking. I tried hard to stay awake.

She mentioned how Felix likes to be patted to sleep. At times he will even cry "tata" as in he wants dad to do the pats. I feel good in knowing that I can do that well and be appreciated for it.

In the morinig I kiss Sarah good morning. Felix is lying perpendicualr in bed. Ontop of the doona. One leg up on Sarah. I went for my ride.

Paternal surname inheritance is women inspired

Surname or secondnames are handed down by the paternal line in Western societies. Now in our current politicaly correct and equality charged society this simple system is in disarray. Women are holding onto their maiden names, families are hyphenating names, I even suggested mixing Milewski with Alexander to get Milander as quite an acceptable name for my family.

Now if this is based on women to men equality then I think the men should have the choice of what happens. This is because the traditional method of surname following the paternal line is a women devised scheme. Let me explain.

From the purely biological basis of procreation, males are there with near infinite capabilities, being able and wanting to procreate from age 13 to 90 everyday of their life. So if an opportunity came up where they could, then they probably would. Women on the other hand are biologicaly ready for procreation for only a few hours each month. Sure they may or may not want to procreate all they want but there is only a limited window for the biology of porcreation to take place.

Post procreation is another stroy. The human has a long gestation period and then a long period prior to being able to fend for themselves. This is where partnership and community comes in. It is much easier to be pregnant and raise a child if you are surounded by people who help you. Females wanting to procreate at any time of their cycle is attractive to males who also want to/can procreate all the time. This compatability helps with forming manogomous relationships that underpin our Western culture.

I believe that females went one step further and to cement that relationship they agreed for males to have a sense of pride, importance and be the figurehead of the family unit that they represent. Further then that I think it may have been their idea and encouraged by them. For a little less recognition, the recognition going to the male and his surname, they get a whole lot of protection, partnership and community. Now that is a small price to pay. I am not saying that all relationships are harmonious and loving but there is a sense of belonging, togtherness that is crucial to the rasing of ofspring.

As it is, there is little to link monogomous relationships together. There is nothing physical, it is not like partners are tied together, or chang to the same colur. The contract between man and woman is accepted on trust with a few social/cultural ceremonies. It is the cultural/social structure that provides names that give people a sense of belonging. Just like people speaking a particular language have a stronger sense of belonging to each other, so to people that come from the same family and share surnames have a sense of togetherness.

Our social structure identifies people by names and groups families by surnames. If we did not have surnames at all there would be less recognition for the family unit. As we do recognise family units with surname it is only logical that 2 adults with the same surname are from the same or related families. If thoes adults are in a relationship then they are the head of a family. If the 2 adults in a relation ship do not share the same surname then they are likey not to be family and they are adding a sense of insecurity for raising their offspring.

So to reiterate, the common surname and pride for the male seems to me to be of more benefit to the female in her biological role as a mother. For equality between males and females, it should be the males that make the decision how the surnames are passed on down the line.

The choice of my wife and I for her to hold onto her maiden name came down to the fact that my surname would have made things complicated for her. Milewski would change to Milewska for her. As she does not speak Polish I think it is a bit much to take on. Inside I think that this is only an excuse for the fact that she would not change her name. Then again I do not mind being an Alexander at times, especialy when ordering pizza as there is no need to spell it with my take away order.

Going to story telling

Whenever Felix is entertaining himself it is an opportunity to catch up with something like cooking or cleaning around the hose or simply relaxing. The midday sleep would have to be the gold mine for this especially when Sarah is home alone. And so it was on this day. She finaly did start to hear some voices from the living room where Felix was sleeping. At first she thought that she had left the radio on for the duration of the sleep. She went to the door leading into the room. A truly beautiful sight awaited her. It was Felix, on his toddler couch where he was laid to sleep, lying and talking to a doll. Probably telling her about all the fantastic dreams he had.

Later that day they went to story telling at the local library. For over 20 minutes Felix sat there mistified. Other kids partook in the hand actions as encouraged by the story teller but Felix just sat, watched and listened. I have no doubt that he was taking it in and learning what story time in this new place was. He shows such determination and genuine interest. It is inspiring to try to be so involved in everything we do as he is in what he does.

Finaly the kids were to get some glitter put on their pieces of paper. Sarah just said what she wanted him to do, "Felix, go over to the lady to get glitter put on your card" He immediately took that as a command and procedded with his card to the lady. It seems that informing him of everything we do and want him to do is paying off and he is clearly understanding sentences.

Felix's Birth Story

I can't believe it is 7 months today that Felix was born. About time to put his birth story in writing! My EDD had come and gone and I was 12 days over due, very uncomfortable and very ready to give birth. Saturday morning 4am(7/8/04) I went to the toilet and went back to bed and had a contraction. In the nights preceding this one I had had a few contraction each night around the same time. Usually after around 3 they would stop. But today was finally the day. After around 5 contractions I woke up Michael to tell him! I couldn't sleep I was so excited and relieved. I had been booked in to be induced for the coming Tues morning! at 5:30am I rang my mum to let her know that things would be happening today and that we would call when it nearly time to go to hospital.

After a little breakfast at 7am Michael started to recorded when the contractions were happening- they were 5 minutes apart but no too strong. I wanted to get some fresh air so we walked the two dogs (Asparagus & Zucchini) to the park and arrived home a few hours later. I found the contraction would stop me walking for a few moments- but I felt great otherwise. I rang the Birthing Centre to let them know that I was in the early part of labour and that we would ring later in the day.

The day seemed to drag on and we played cards, ate and read with contractions every 5 minutes! At around 4 pm- 12 hours after the first contraction my mum rang and during the conversation I have a particularly bad contraction. Having her voice at the end of the line made me a little emotional and I started to cry- so she decided to come over (she was around 1 hour away). When mum arrived - 1 hour later- I was pacing around the house during contractions and did not ANYONE near me. During the breaks I was happily chatting and trying the eat. Michael decided to go for a walk and get the dogs tired as we where in for a big night.

At 5:30pm I got into the bath and for the next hour was having contractions every 5minutes
and trying to sleep in between. When Michael returned from his walk we rang the birth
centre. They want to speak to me but I was suddenly having contraction back to back. One would stop I would breath in and the next one was starting again. I think Michael was getting a little nervous and decided that we should get to the hospital. The next 1/2 hour was such a blur- you would think that being 12 days over I would be packed but No- last minute items were thrown into our bag- "where is the birth plan Sarah?" "I don't Carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!" I had several contractions on the freeway and felt as if I was on a roller coaster.

When we pulled up in front of the hospital approx 9pm- I got really worried about what other people would think of me! Lets just say I had no contractions from the car to the birthing centre- my body just stopped. The minute I was in my room BINGO we started again! I just could get comfortable. I just wanted to get back into a bath.A bath was ran for me and Michael and I hopped it- Oh what relief! Michael held my head above the water for the next 3 hours. I would fall totally asleep between contraction and had dreams! At around 11:30pm I had some really really painful contractions so Michael suggested that gas might help me. It did. It was not that the pain was not there but that I didn't mind the pain.

I started to push- no-one said to and I had not control. The midwife did an internal and tried to tell me not to push! She said to puff instead as I was not fully dilated. COME ON. I tried for 1 contractions but there was not way I could control my body it just wanted to push. 1/2 hour later the midwife says "Sarah you are going to have you baby in the next 10 minutes" I couldn't believe it.

So I pushed! Michael held me up in the bath and Mum held the Dolphin torch for the midwife so she could see under the water. 10 minutes later Felix was born in the bath. He was put on my stomach and I just kept saying "Hello" "Your Perfect!".

Felix was born at 12:57am 08/08/2004 and weighted 4.66kg (10pound 4 1/2 oz).


Thanks for letting me share my experiences.