Camping with Felix

Well it came and went and not much changed. Felix is still in bed at the moment and asking for "na-na" as always. Sarah was worried that 3 days appart may get him off side from her and maybe even get him to wean, I don't think so.

It started on Thursday. Sarah dropped him off at work, which was in Caulfiled attending the Open Source Developers Conference. He was happy to see me, gave mum and Tilda a wave and we were off. A quick bite to eat in the local food mall seemed all to expensive for the crappy food I got, but fish was the recommendation from mum. We ended getting a fried canned tuna patty or something and I got a really old soggy and almost cold burger. Felix had some with which I was not too happy about hoping that it wont make him sick.

Then it was off to another shop, the fishing shop. In between orbits to see the aquarium fish and other fish on the wall, I enquired about the prospects at the planned camping destination Waratah bay. The response was positive with the sales assistent regularily fishing there from his parent's house in Sandy point (at the other end of the bay). "just walk out about thigh deep, cast around in all directions and you are guaranteed lots of flathead" that sounded great. I picked up a tied chart and tried to justify the conversation by purchasing some soft plastic lure. I must say that I also did find out why I lacked success in Lake Tyres during the colder months, this is as the fish move up during winter, but in summer the main lake should be fishing great.

Well I thought that would be enough fishing for Felix till the weekend but this was only the beginning. We went home in the car and Felix rummaged through the bag of goodies. He was not to happy with the fish length ruler nor the fish in the regulation book. I am sure he would not be too thrilled with the weighted jig heads with which I did not take a chance with and took them aside from the beginning. His favourite were the gelly like plasitic fish bodies which go over the jig head. These where his "fishies" and they where his friend.

When we got home it seemed that he was only now set on going fishing. He came to me with the bag of artificial bait and said "stuck" meaning he wants me to open them. Plastic bait, how bad can it be? well it claimed to be 4x scented and it sure did smell a bit. It was also a little sticky and oily. I am sure the fish would love it but we are at home, I need to pack for the camping trip, and manage the todler.

He got out his shark fishing set with a motorised shark and a plastic fishing rod. I set up some toy train track to act as a "pool", we set the shark free and it went around and around following it's simple obsticle avoiding algorith of "turn right". Felix got all excited and even gave me a few moments peace. I could just sit down and look at the daunting task of packing for camping which we had not done for a year to the day now. Last time being at Jess and Damian's wedding near Jameison. Jameison, Lake Eildon, Licola and Wallhala where all options for this weekend until a big fire closed all of them down.

It was not long before Felix came to me with the bag of plastic fish and his toy rod and said "stuck" "fishy sharky". I knew what this meant. I must take him fishing, yeah I get to go and wet a line, probably something I have not done for almost a year also. I look down at him and promise that we will go down to the local lake and do some fly fishing. In fact we can have dinner down there as well. The weather is warm but a little windy and the sun will not be setting for some time yet so It will work out just fine. We just need to sit out the next hour or so of peak hour traffic and we can go. My thoughts do not seem to get across to my son, he looks at me as if I am an idiot and repeats, what seems to him to be a simple request "stuck fishy sharky". I know all too well what this means, dad get this little fishy baits out of their bag onto my plastic hook so I can go fishing for my plastic motorised shark.

In the end we managed to get all the camping gear out for the weekend, all the fishing gear to which Felix promptly upgraded from his plastic set, and we managed to have a good but unsuccesful session at the local pond and a bbq. It was a good night, Felix was exhausted. When I stripped him down to change his nappy it seemed that the poo had been there for quite a while, most of which he was seated in a carrier on my back and his backside was looking quite red. Bad parent, by now a screaming kid.

I knew now what Sarah meant when she feels she sometimes feels she ignores the kids, or feels she is not good enough for them. I sure felt like this at this time and it was a feeling I would come to know a bit better over the coming days. There I have my son very red and in obvious pain. I had to give him a quick wash. I then thickly creamed him but even this was not enough to make him happy. It was not untill I set him upright, leaning on 3 pillows of the softest feathers, nude bum on a couple of nappies and I set out to read him a book that he gave me a nod of approval, proceed dady. A few stories read about some dig-dig-diggers and we were ready for nappy and sleep.

Matilda Smiles - a letter to grandfather Lech

Dear Lech

I finally have a moment to pen(or Type) a letter- the house is quiet! Matilda is almost 6 weeks old and it has been a wonderful time in the lives of the Alexander- Milewski-Milewska family. With 4 people and 2 dogs I really think we classify now as a family- the back of the car is jam packed and the endless bustle and chatter is heart warming.

In classic A-M-M Family style (Alexander-Milewski-Milewska) our Medicare care is a hassle bustle of names a real refection of the house. Michael is now back full time at work and I am with both children by myself 3 days a week. We have managed to do all sorts of things in a given week........................

We have visited the Collingwood Children's farm numerous times- Felix is in love with the horses (affectingly named Ye-Ha-Ha) and the Goats who we see milked. Last Monday Felix decided that the 10 days old lambs we fair game for a ride- He sat upon his victim and yelled Ye-Ha-Ha. He was a little disappointed when I explained that lambs weren't strong enough to carry him and that perhaps one day he might ride a pony at Jane and Robs place.

I used public transport with both children yesterday to get to Steiner Playgroup. Felix is fantastic and listen so well- he happily get out the of pusher and sits looking out the window for the entire trip. Meanwhile Matilda happily sleeps in the baby carrier- occasionally nuzzling and moving around when I stop moving.

I popped over to see Sylwia this morning so Felix and Sabina could see one another. They play so well together- I am glad that we have Thursday's so they can have time to play together. They love to play chasy around the house and push the trains around the house.

We have brought a second cot and our bedroom looks amazing! We have the queen bed with a cot (with it's side removed)on either side. One huge bed! Sleeping is working very well- Felix will fall asleep cuddling Michael as Michael sings polish songs and read polish stories. This a very important time of the evening for both Michael and Felix as they don't see one another all day- Michael loves gazing at Felix as he sleeps peacefully in the cot next to him. Matilda is in the cot next to me- she has been an amazing baby. Last night she slept from 10pm till 4am no feeds! When she does want to feed she either sucks her hands or strokes my face- no crying- no fussing she feeds briefly and falls back to sleep.

So now back to the title of this email. Matilda is starting to smile. I selfishly thought that she would smile at me but I realise that her big brother is far more interesting- and he first smile was cast Felix's way. Felix is so gentle with Matilda and has never hurt her or get cross with her. Matilda is getting a lot of tummy time and holding her head really well.

When she is popped on her tummy she pulls her legs up under her body and tries to move forward- her arms are failing her- but sooner or later she will all get it together.

Michael is riding 3-4 times a week before work- and feeling and looking very fit. It is a really important time for him and it helps him concentrate at work. I have began riding my bike with Felix each night Michael returns. I plan to join a canoeing club after my 6 week post-baby check-up in the hope to compete in the Murray Marathon at the end of next year.

My brother has planned to remain in England till April/May I am missing him terribly- particularly at the moment when I know he would love to see Matilda. But I am sure he will make up for lost time when he returns. Sylwia has been a wonderful grandmother- spending time with Felix on Tuesdays. I know this time is invaluable for both of them- Felix feels so comfortable with her.

Felix is missing you a great deal as are we all. Every plane in the sky apparently has JaJa riding in it. I think I will bring him to the airport when you come back- he would love to have a look at the planes.

We hope you are enjoying Poland but look forward to having you home.

Lots of Love and Kisses

Sarah (Michael, Felix and Matilda)

PS On Sunday we went to 5pm mass. Felix sat in the pew listening to the service- when ever Father Tony spoke Felix would yell out Blah-blah-blah. When the Father held out his arms Felix also stood and held out his arm- it was so funny that we didn't even hear what the sermon was about- but the magic of watching Felix was perhaps God's message to us- they grow up so fast so make the time today to give an extra hug- share another joke or listen for an extra minute because tomorrow they will be leaving home!g home!

Day to day with the kids

The other day Sarah was observing how Felix was interacting with other kids playing at a playground. Joshua and Inga were chasing around the playground on some paving. Felix joined in but seemed to have missed the minor detail of following the paving. Paving turned left and Felix went on ahead into the sunset screaming with joy, hands waving like a butterfly, having a ball, not even registering that the other kids were no longer following him.

Later that same day Felix took a book out onto a deck to have a read in the sunshine. Not our book and not our deck so Sarah was worried that he may come into a bit of "No" parenting. No! a book is an indoor item, No! do not take it outside, and so on. Ahh to take a book out onto a deck in a sunny spot and just read, I would love to do that.

Matilda is born

The corridor was empty. Doors and counters were all closed. The lights were all on, giving it this surreal feal. I went to the only opening in the wall and politely introduced myself to the lady behind the glass. We made some chitchat over the paper work. I confirmed my address and update the home phone number and my new mobile number. Then I left casualy for the car. That is how I checked sarah into hospital.

At the bottom of the lift I retraced our steps. The spot where Sarah had her contraction that was just too far from the lift to press the button. In my always forseeing efficient way. I tried to leave her here just for a second to press the button and call down a lift, I wanted to just save a few seconds of the wait. I asked her if she can step over 2 more steps. If I just kicked my foot up I could press the button. This efficiency is the last thing that must be on a laboring womens mind as I felt her nails push steadily into my neck, she groaned, she tenced. I calmed her, reminded her to breath, to relax, to let the contraction take hold and do its thing. 20 seconds later we were taking thoes extra 2 steps and I got to eagerly press the elevator button. I felt like a 2 year old kid. I felt silly. She was happy I was there, for the contraction.

Now I was re-tracing these steps. Through the empty carpark I got to our car. Suitcase and pillow, that was it. Was there anything else? I looked around, the place was deserted. Again the mass of concrete and the plain grey paint and bitumen reminded me of a bizarre, lifeless sci-fi world. Even the still darkness out side felt lifeless. Up the elevator and I was again in the squeaky interiors of the hospital. This too lifeless although the light made it just a little more warm and welcoming.

The lady in the window pressed a button and I was in the Family Birth Centre. Suite 2 and I saw my wife. She was standing at the bed. About to battle through another contraction. I got a swiss ball for her to lean on and held her hands across the bed. I watched on as the midwife busily set out mats and towels on the floor below my wife. Was this right? I thought my wife would be going into the shower, that followed by the bath? what where these towels here for. My wife breathed and tensed. Again I talked her through it as best I could.

The midwife told her to go ahead and do what she needed to. She murmered having a poo. Why not send her to the toilet across the room I thought? The midwife smilled and looked across saying "the head is poking out, do you want to feel the baby comming out?" Sarah shook her head and said now in a trembing voice. I thought what? wow! the baby is comming. I again talked sarah through relaxing and letting it happen. I didn't know what was happening. I am sure Sarah did for the baby smothly exited out into the hands of the midwife. A new gem of life was born. There was an intial scream. Sarah dropped to her knees. The midwife and I joined her on the mat, in the middle of this lifeless hospital, devoid of sound, of people. We gatherd in trying to get some of this life which lay before us. Another scream started. Sarah could not work out how to stop it. Matilda was born.

sleeping

I cam home late last night after a work function. This morning it was off onto the bike for a ride before the traffic. It was in between that I was to get some sleep and some time with Felix. Well he was sleeping the whole time.

I went out to a comedy night. When I came home Sarah was still up. She was knitting and looking over at the TV. We had a good talk. I felt she was almost pining to have more time with me. I thought of giving her a rendition of some of the evenings jokes. I then decided that I do not have what it takes to be a comedian so I restrained myself. We turned the lights out and went to bed. Sarah kept talking. I tried hard to stay awake.

She mentioned how Felix likes to be patted to sleep. At times he will even cry "tata" as in he wants dad to do the pats. I feel good in knowing that I can do that well and be appreciated for it.

In the morinig I kiss Sarah good morning. Felix is lying perpendicualr in bed. Ontop of the doona. One leg up on Sarah. I went for my ride.

Paternal surname inheritance is women inspired

Surname or secondnames are handed down by the paternal line in Western societies. Now in our current politicaly correct and equality charged society this simple system is in disarray. Women are holding onto their maiden names, families are hyphenating names, I even suggested mixing Milewski with Alexander to get Milander as quite an acceptable name for my family.

Now if this is based on women to men equality then I think the men should have the choice of what happens. This is because the traditional method of surname following the paternal line is a women devised scheme. Let me explain.

From the purely biological basis of procreation, males are there with near infinite capabilities, being able and wanting to procreate from age 13 to 90 everyday of their life. So if an opportunity came up where they could, then they probably would. Women on the other hand are biologicaly ready for procreation for only a few hours each month. Sure they may or may not want to procreate all they want but there is only a limited window for the biology of porcreation to take place.

Post procreation is another stroy. The human has a long gestation period and then a long period prior to being able to fend for themselves. This is where partnership and community comes in. It is much easier to be pregnant and raise a child if you are surounded by people who help you. Females wanting to procreate at any time of their cycle is attractive to males who also want to/can procreate all the time. This compatability helps with forming manogomous relationships that underpin our Western culture.

I believe that females went one step further and to cement that relationship they agreed for males to have a sense of pride, importance and be the figurehead of the family unit that they represent. Further then that I think it may have been their idea and encouraged by them. For a little less recognition, the recognition going to the male and his surname, they get a whole lot of protection, partnership and community. Now that is a small price to pay. I am not saying that all relationships are harmonious and loving but there is a sense of belonging, togtherness that is crucial to the rasing of ofspring.

As it is, there is little to link monogomous relationships together. There is nothing physical, it is not like partners are tied together, or chang to the same colur. The contract between man and woman is accepted on trust with a few social/cultural ceremonies. It is the cultural/social structure that provides names that give people a sense of belonging. Just like people speaking a particular language have a stronger sense of belonging to each other, so to people that come from the same family and share surnames have a sense of togetherness.

Our social structure identifies people by names and groups families by surnames. If we did not have surnames at all there would be less recognition for the family unit. As we do recognise family units with surname it is only logical that 2 adults with the same surname are from the same or related families. If thoes adults are in a relationship then they are the head of a family. If the 2 adults in a relation ship do not share the same surname then they are likey not to be family and they are adding a sense of insecurity for raising their offspring.

So to reiterate, the common surname and pride for the male seems to me to be of more benefit to the female in her biological role as a mother. For equality between males and females, it should be the males that make the decision how the surnames are passed on down the line.

The choice of my wife and I for her to hold onto her maiden name came down to the fact that my surname would have made things complicated for her. Milewski would change to Milewska for her. As she does not speak Polish I think it is a bit much to take on. Inside I think that this is only an excuse for the fact that she would not change her name. Then again I do not mind being an Alexander at times, especialy when ordering pizza as there is no need to spell it with my take away order.

Going to story telling

Whenever Felix is entertaining himself it is an opportunity to catch up with something like cooking or cleaning around the hose or simply relaxing. The midday sleep would have to be the gold mine for this especially when Sarah is home alone. And so it was on this day. She finaly did start to hear some voices from the living room where Felix was sleeping. At first she thought that she had left the radio on for the duration of the sleep. She went to the door leading into the room. A truly beautiful sight awaited her. It was Felix, on his toddler couch where he was laid to sleep, lying and talking to a doll. Probably telling her about all the fantastic dreams he had.

Later that day they went to story telling at the local library. For over 20 minutes Felix sat there mistified. Other kids partook in the hand actions as encouraged by the story teller but Felix just sat, watched and listened. I have no doubt that he was taking it in and learning what story time in this new place was. He shows such determination and genuine interest. It is inspiring to try to be so involved in everything we do as he is in what he does.

Finaly the kids were to get some glitter put on their pieces of paper. Sarah just said what she wanted him to do, "Felix, go over to the lady to get glitter put on your card" He immediately took that as a command and procedded with his card to the lady. It seems that informing him of everything we do and want him to do is paying off and he is clearly understanding sentences.